Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
