Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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