My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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