Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
