I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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