So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize