I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
