my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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