Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize