And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
operation have a gay friend backfired
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Randomize
