i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
