my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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