There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
