I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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