I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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