i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
