girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
