Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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