He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
