Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think my fart just growled at me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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