Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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