She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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