I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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