4 words: hood of his car
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
