U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
