I feel like abortions should bother me more
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
