I want to have your abortion
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
