hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
