I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
