I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
