that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
