a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
