Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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