my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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