is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
