I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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