Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
