He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
