Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
