her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
