Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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