honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
