i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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