Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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