Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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