apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
