I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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