just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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