make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
