I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
