We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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