Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
