highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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