Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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