So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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