I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
