Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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