I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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