Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
