it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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