So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
