Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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