The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
