Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize