In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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