why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
