So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
