Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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