I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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