I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize