Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
