The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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