Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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