Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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