I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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