actually, I'm a sock model
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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